Tag Archives: britain

The Adulterer’s Dog

Hugh wasn’t going to argue with his forceful vet when she told him his dog needed more exercise. However, the vet’s instructions didn’t include meeting someone and falling in love

It was, on reflection, rather amusing that a visit to the local vet could lead to such a passionate affair. Not with the vet. Hugh had no desire to enfold the plain-faced, squat Clarissa in his arms.  And not with his dog, either. Although he was fond of Todger, and, if pushed, would admit that he loved the dog as much as he loved his two children, but in an owner/pet kind of way.
No, Clarissa had prodded Todger’s amply-covered ribs and chided Hugh about letting young Golden Retrievers run to fat. “You’ll have horrible hip problems with him later. How often does he get a walk?”
“Um,” Hugh said, flailing. He was trying hard to remember the last time any of the family had taken Todger outside the garden. Probably six months ago, and he’d been so excited he’d pulled Claire off her feet and now she and her brother were afraid to walk him.
“Every day, Hugh. He needs a walk every day. For heavens sake, you live on the edge of the village, you’ve got the most wonderful woods and moorland just a hop away.” Clarissa glared at him through her thick glasses; obviously he was now on the list of Bad Pet Owners. “Cut his feed in half. No snacks, unless they’re carrot sticks. And walk him. Train him, take him to obedience lessons and keep his mind active too. Let him have FUN.” Continue reading

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The Fourth Guy Upstairs

When Layla, trapped under a fallen bookcase, calls for divine help, the last person she expects to answer her call is the Fuck Up Fairy….. Warning: Bad Language, religious irreverence. 18+

It had NOT been Layla’s day. The hot water system had died a natural death during her shower, she’d been overcharged at Sainsbury’s for some very indifferent Bulgarian red, a trolley had added a new feature in the way of a creative dent in the rear panel of her car when she finally found it in the carpark (after almost dropping the two bottles she’d fought over), a traffic snarl made her fifteen minute journey home take 35, and that was all before 10am. Since then she’d learned the water system wouldn’t be fixed for at least three days, her boyfriend had left an ominous message on the answering machine that simply said, “We have to talk,” in a way that said he was about to dump her, the secretary of the CEO she was supposed to interview that afternoon (deadline for major business article: tomorrow) rang to say she’d got the dates mixed up and the CEO was currently en route to Rio de Janeiro and couldn’t be contacted, and a letter from the bank informed her politely she was overdrawn.
Layla fought the impulse to scream at the secretary, but instead persisted like a bulldog until she got the Rio hotel details out of the stammering woman. She had a feeling the telephone on the other end had turned, of its own accord, to ice. Great, now she could add a nice international phone call to the overdraft. Continue reading

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Willpower

When she’d created a fictional alien hero with three dicks, Lucy never dreamed she’d meet him….or sleep with him! Warning: Sex scenes, bad language. 18+

“The best thing about creating a world is that you can do exactly what you like with it.” Lucy was fond of saying this. In her tours to schools as a successful author, she found this always put thoughtful looks and big smiles on small faces.
Creating a world was exactly what Lucy had done. She had created Fod, the planet about which she’d written 25 stories and books to date. A crappy relationship had put her off writing for almost a year, much to the horror of her agent, and now she was over Jake – or Jerk, as she now privately called him – and was working on the synopsis for the new book. Continue reading

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Isabel Shakes Her Spear

This time it’s a trip to Shakespeare’s England.  Isabel ain’t your usual demure Tudor miss. She’s struggling to become a writer in a male-dominated world, even if it means cross-dressing, swilling beer and lighting farts. And the man of her dreams only had a bath last week… Warnings: Sex scenes, bad language, terrible liberties with history. 18+

Isabel tossed in her sleep. She was having the dream again.
Isabel sees the woman from behind. She is sitting in a peculiar chair, one spindle from the seat going down onto a brace affair with five wheels on the bottom. She is tapping her fingers on little grey squares and the glowing rectangle in front of her is throwing up words. The machine makes squawking noises every so often.
The woman sighs and scratches her head, then arches her back. She is wearing clothes like Isabel has never seen, a plain jersey and, of all things, trousers. No ruffles, no tight hose. She is dressed like a man in these cerulean blue trousers yet dressed like no man Isabel has ever seen. Her dark hair is loose and hangs to her shoulders. Continue reading

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She Loved Riding Sidesaddle

Well bred but impoverished Edwardian girl Henrietta needed a rich husband. Sebastian wanted a nubile young wife with money to match her charm. It’s up to Cyrus P. Brownknowes III to arrange things….but he didn’t take falling in love into account!  Warning: Sexual scenes, bad language. 18+

Lord Sebastian Smallcock, Earl of Buttox, cleared his throat. “I must find a wife, Brownknowes. A rich one.”
Cyrus P. Brownknowes III, from New York, New York (as you might have guessed) was full of ideas. “Well, Seb -”
“Ahem.”
” – er, Lord Smallcock, you could get an ad made for television…”
“This is 1912, Brownknowes. Television won’t be invited for another thirty odd years.” Continue reading

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Guinevere and the Knights on the Round Table

What REALLY went on in the Dark Ages? Was King Arthur reallly pissed all the time? Was his sister Morgan really a lesbian? Were Guinevere and Lancelot really having it off?  The introduction of gerbils to England and more is covered in this historical masterpiece! Warning: Sexual scenes, bad language, homosexuality, implied cruelty to gerbils. 18+

“He loveth me ….”
“AAAARRRGGGHHHH!”
“….He loveth me not!”
“AAAARRRGGGHHHH!”
“He loveth me….”
“AAAARRRGGGHHHH!”
“….He loveth me not! Pustulent pox, it always endeth up as “he loveth me not”!” Queen Guinevere, spoilt teenaged queen of England, glared malevolently at her husband Arthur’s head torturer, a robust, muscly, hairy man clad in tight black leather trousers and a black mask on his face. It turned her on just watching him work. Continue reading

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Love Without The Lights On

Hopelessly interbred Kate discovers the joys of first love during the Second World War in an English village so secret even its name is censored. Sexual references, bad language. 18+

Overhead the lumbering Lancasters limped back to the airfield, one with a portside engine on fire, one wavering perilously, almost falling from the sky, but most were intact. They just looked – weary.
Kate Harpington-Smythe looked eagerly at each tired ‘plane, hunting for the name on the nose. And there it was! K for Kate! Algy’s ‘plane! If she looked carefully she fancied she could see Algy, the tail-end Charlie, waving at her.
She waved frantically in return, her heart thudding absurdly. He was safe!
Kate helped out on a volunteer basis at the canteen at the airfield at Upp*r F*ttock (the name was top secret, and censored), which was how she had met Algy in the first place. Continue reading

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