When she’d created a fictional alien hero with three dicks, Lucy never dreamed she’d meet him….or sleep with him! Warning: Sex scenes, bad language. 18+
“The best thing about creating a world is that you can do exactly what you like with it.” Lucy was fond of saying this. In her tours to schools as a successful author, she found this always put thoughtful looks and big smiles on small faces.
Creating a world was exactly what Lucy had done. She had created Fod, the planet about which she’d written 25 stories and books to date. A crappy relationship had put her off writing for almost a year, much to the horror of her agent, and now she was over Jake – or Jerk, as she now privately called him – and was working on the synopsis for the new book.
She took a drag on a joint, which usually helped the creative process. That was ONE secret of writing she was not about to reveal to her young readers! Lucy tapped away on the keyboard, giggling. Another war with the Arpathians coming up! What super-duper technology could she invent this time for the Fodians to spring as a surprise on their long-term enemies?
Her PC beeped at her: Incoming Mail.
Lucy ignored it. Should she stick to lasers, tried and true and believable?
The PC beeped again. Sighing, Lucy opened her messages.
“We must talk. Now.
“This is urgent, Lucy. Please STOP WRITING THE SYNOPSIS! I’ll pick you up in fifteen minutes. Answer this message.
Bewildered, Lucy stubbed out the joint. She wasn’t stoned, not by a long shot, but why the hell was she getting messages from someone who didn’t exist, namely the hero she’d created for her Fod series? And nobody, only her agent, knew about the synopsis, and her agent didn’t play silly games like this.
Lucy looked at the return address: firstname.lastname@example.org
“What the hell?”
She hit the “Reply” button and tapped in: “Who the hell are you? I’m not playing games.
Barely 30 seconds went past and a reply jumped onto the screen. “I’m WILL POWER. The Will Power you created. Sodding stupid bloody name if you ask me. I need to see you urgently.
If you doubt my credentials, I can tell you three things that only you know about me, that you didn’t put in any synopsis, book or article: my top penis, my middle penis, and my bottom penis.
See you in ten minutes. Bring a coat, a change of clothes, and your PC with the synopsis.
Stunned, Lucy stared at the PC. What on earth was happening? Yes, she’d given Will Power a silly name and three dicks, but then she’d invented him when she was thirteen. Nobody knew about the three dicks – nobody!
Was this some kind of pervert sending her messages? Lucy hesitated, then shut down her PC, grabbed a coat and shoved some clothes and a couple of kilos of cosmetics into an overnight bag.
She left a handwritten note on her desk: To whoever finds this, I think I’ve been abducted by aliens.
* * *
There was a spaceship in her front yard. It was a traditional flying saucer shape, small, rather dirty, a bit battered and had CYBERCABS painted down each side. It hovered, rocking slightly, a few inches above Lucy’s weed-filled lawn.
“I shouldn’t have had that joint,” Lucy said weakly, leaning against the wall of her house.
One of the spaceship doors opened upwards and a head, albeit familiar to Lucy’s brain, appeared. “Come on, I can’t stay here or your bloody neighbours’ll report me and we’ll never get to Fod!”
Jesus H. Christ! Thought Lucy. It IS Will Power! More or less as I imagined him! Except in her books, he didn’t swear – after all, her target audience was well under sixteen.
As if in a trance, Lucy walked over and climbed into the spaceship. It rocked slightly as she sat down and fastened the five point harness. The seats were comfortable, with supports all over the place. The floor in front of her was littered with what appeared to be chocolate bar wrappings.
“Sorry,” said Will. “Ship’s a tip at the moment. Long journey and nothing to do but shove it on auto and eat.” Expertly Will tilted the ship’s nose skywards and cleared Lucy’s roof by an inch. The ship made a groaning noise and lights flashed in vibrant colours all over the wide dashboard.
Lucy squirmed uncomfortably. “Are we going to crash?” she whispered, not daring to speak louder as she was afraid she’d scream.
“No, it’s just this ship doesn’t have much get up and go,” Will replied, pushing a stick marked “throttle” as far forward as he could.
“Why not? It’s a spaceship. I thought all spaceships were incredibly fast. We’ve seen UFO footage.”
“Ah,” said Will, turning and meeting Lucy’s eyes for the first time. He had a sardonic expression on his face and dark, almost unreadable eyes. “This is no ordinary spaceship. YOU created it. And you, my friend, are no bloody rocket scientist, let me tell you that for nothing.” He thumped the dash a few times. “Antiquated rockets and all these silly coloured lights. You’ve been watching too many movies.”
Abruptly the rockets hit full power and Lucy was thrown back in her seat before she could voice a very indignant reply. The spaceship catapulted through Earth’s atmosphere and Will struggled to hang onto the controls. Lucy knew now without a doubt the spaceship was her creation. It had a Momo steering wheel with a Ferrari logo on it. That was another thing she’d never put in the books.
“It’ll be a bit bumpy for a bit….ah, that’s better.” Will said in satisfaction as the flight smoothed out. “Have a look out the window.”
Lucy smothered a scream. There was Earth, already far behind them. “W-what speed are we doing?”
“Warp plus two. Now, goddess, let’s have a chat.” Will flicked a switch marked “autopilot”, unclipped his harness, put his hands behind his head and crossed his legs.
“G-goddess?” Lucy stuttered. She was too afraid to unclip anything. In fact, she was wondering if the spaceship had a loo because she was about to shit herself, or pee her pants at the very least.
“Down the back to the right,”
“The bog. You were wondering, weren’t you?”
“How do you know?” Lucy said, confused.
Will grinned. “I guess I can’t be angry with you. You’ve being doing what you thought was right. Let’s go back to the beginning, shall we? You’re thirteen years old and your cousin Geoffrey is teasing you because you’re only a silly girl and you know bugger all about space and rockets and all that shit, yeah? So to put Geoffrey in his place you create a world in your mind – Fod – and start writing stories about it. You get a bit fanciful: twin suns, endless summers, people born with incredibly high IQs and everything they need to know so they don’t have to go to school, people with highly-developed telepathic skills, and you invent a hero out of your growing curiosity about the opposite sex and, just to get good old Geoffrey back, give your hero a name like Will Power and endow him with three dicks.
“Lucy, when you created Fod you believed in it totally. You were living in a dream world. In fact, you believed in it so bloody strongly it began to exist.”
“Impossible!” spluttered Lucy.
“Not at all,” Will said. “Mind over matter and all that. As we Fodians well know. We’re good at will power – you know that more than anyone. That’s how I got my name, isn’t it? You and your willpower. So there’s me, sprung fully formed from your imagination, 18 years old, horny as hell and with three dicks. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to live with three bloody dicks? Did you think about what happens when you get a hard-on in triplicate? To say nothing of the simple act of taking a leak. And Fodian girls… didn’t think to give any of them three pussies, did you? Do you know what I had to do? Hitch a ride on an Arpathian ship, and go to the red light district in downtown Bvzrx. Those Bvzrxian whores thought the sun shone out of my arsehole (and thank God you only gave me one of those!). Then you decided we’d go to war with Arpathia. I had to hotfoot it back to Fod and act out that silly story about guarding the princess.”
“I’m sorry,” said Lucy humbly. “This is rather an incredible dream. That joint must have been stronger than it looked. I’ll have to ask Jonesy what he put in it.”
Will thumped the dash. “You are NOT dreaming, geddit? What do I have to do to convince you this is real? That I’M real?” He glared at her, then reached over, flicked her harness open, pulled her close and gave her a kiss that rendered her almost breathless.
“Good grief,” said Lucy weakly, almost a minute later. “I’ve never been kissed quite like that before.” She was shaking and blushing, and tried her pull her black, bobbed hair unsuccessfully over her face.
“Yes, well, that’s one benefit I’ve got out of your oh-so-vivid imagination, I can suck face like nobody on Fod. More goals from tonsil hockey than a gold medallist. No wonder those poor bastards you dated didn’t cut the mustard. You expected too much.” Grinning again, Will settled back in his seat.
Lucy took a good, long, look at him. “You’re not EXACTLY as I imagined, you know. Will Power, in my books, is, shall we say, a little more lean and muscly.” Her books described space hero Will Power as tall, dark, with a thin, well-toned body and lightning sharp reactions. They didn’t mention anything about lifting one buttock to fart, as Will had just done, swearing in a very Earthly vernacular rather than speaking in the respectful and technical tones of a crack pilot, or, of course, three dicks.
“Bugger off,” said Will amiably. “When you created me I was eighteen. In your books I’m still eighteen. In reality I’m thirty, just as you’re now twenty four. I age, just like anybody else. I’ve even got three grey hairs courtesy of Will Power and the Arpathian Invasion. You’ve given me sedentary jobs flying bloody spaceships for most of your books and you decided I had a penchant for concentrated chocolate bars and Vronian beefsteaks. It’s lucky I work out, that’s all I can say. At least I’ve got all my hair and my eyesight.”
Lucy groaned. “I still don’t understand. How can you have a life outside the books?”
“Because we do. Thereby hangs a problem. While you’re not writing we go about our business on planet Fod. We eat, we sleep, we work, we do all the trivial things that make up a well-balanced normal life. Then you decide it’s time for YOU to go to work and suddenly we’re thrown into battle with the bloody Arpathians, or we’re being devastated by meteors or something. To say nothing of the corrupt world you’ve created.”
“Corrupt?” Lucy smarted.
“Corrupt,” Will confirmed. “Like I said before, you’ve been fanciful. Take the twin suns which rise and fall so gracefully over the fair planet Fod. Do you have any idea how much power those mothers put out? We’ve spent the last year perfecting a technique to bounce one of the suns out of orbit, so we can survive without sweltering. We achieved it last week and now we only have one sun. Until you write the next sodding book, that is, and yak on about two bloody suns again.
“And the endless summer shit. Not a rocket scientist, and not an agriculturalist, either. How do you think we can grow crops without a winter for them to lie fallow in? How do you think we survive? It’s got to the point where it’s almost fatal. We’re running out of food and the Arpathians are holding us to ransom charging us a fortune on stuff we buy in. We’re currently working on a way to change the orbit of our remaining sun so we actually get a cold season.”
“Oh,” said Lucy in a small voice. She looked out the window at stars flying by at a terrifying speed. So she wasn’t a rocket scientist, eh? This baby could move, regardless!
“To say nothing of these battles with the Arpathians you keep writing about. Each time we go to battle we use the weapons you created years ago.You have us fight with old outdated lasers. I mean, get real, nobody fights with lasers any more. In fact, nobody really fights in our galaxy in the real world. These days we battle it out over a cyberchess game. Nobody gets hurt. Nobody has to spend a fortune training and feeding a bloody army. You have a handful of trained chess players with enormous IQs and off you go. Dead easy. You silly bastards on Earth should try it.”
“Oh,” said Lucy again. She was beginning to feel very annoyed on two counts. Firstly, that she’d obviously stuffed up in the planet creation department, and secondly, that these smartass Fodians were busily redesigning her creation. HERS!
“Don’t be upset, we’re only trying to survive,” Will said kindly.
“How do you know I’m upset?” She glared at him in a way that would nobody in any doubt about her current frame of mind.
“You made us highly telepathic. I know everything about you. I was the one you created first and the one you write about the most. I was the poor bastard who took on various characteristics of all your bloody boyfriends over the years. Remember Fires on Fod, your tenth book? Remember Jamie, the boyfriend at the time? How do you think I felt suddenly waking up and discovering I’d turned blond and had developed a really annoying, braying laugh. Like this: hahahahahaha!”
Lucy blushed. This awful little revelation defused her anger abruptly. “Did you really? Did I really?”
“You stuffed up big time in Fires on Fod. Remember I’m me, Will Power, not an amalgamation of all the Jamies, Roberts, and, God help me, Jakes.”
“No, you didn’t. Your last few books have been mercifully bereft of your lovers. But I could have told you Jake was a prat,” Will said kindly, taking back the spaceship controls and whisking the machine around a small planet. “Sorry, the autopilot stuffs up sometimes. As I was saying, we’re all highly telepathic. This has proven to be a pain in the butt so we had to develop drugs to enable us to close our minds. I mean, how would you like your boss to know you think he’s an arsehole? I forgot to take my pill that time. Nearly got fired from Cybercabs!” Will flicked her a bubble pack of Mind-Less pills. “You’d better take one before we get to Fod, or your mind won’t be able to stand it. You’ll go insane.”
“What are you doing driving a Cybercab, anyway?” Lucy demanded. “You’re SUPPOSED to be flying a fighter ship. You’re a space hero, for heaven’s sake!”
“I quit my job a year ago,” Will pointed out. “In Fod Fights to the Death you had me bloody close to dying. I resigned as a star pilot after that. Too much stress. Driving a Cybercab is much more fun. The cabs are pretty slow, and handle like a sack of potatoes, but the worst thing that can happen to me is I get a drunken Arpathian who’s had one too many Fodder Cannons and throws up a bottle of Fodian vodka in the back seat.” Will ripped the top off two chocolate bars and handed one to Lucy.
Once again he’d thrown her off track. “Oh. Cheers.” She bit into it and her mouth filled with a molten, rich chocolate. “This is the best chocolate I’ve ever tasted!”
Will grinned. “One thing you didn’t stuff up on. Okay, better fasten up your harness, we’re not far from Fod.”
Obediently Lucy strapped herself in and gulped a Mind-Less pill. Will took the machine off autopilot and slowed it down marginally. They swerved in and out of space debris, around a tiny, uninhabited planet Lucy identified as Fradt-01 from Fodian Fantasy, and then Fod was ahead of them. They were bearing down at warp speed onto a lush planet with sparkling white clouds and one sun.
* * *
Will pulled back the throttle hard and the spaceship juddered. “Christ, I love this bit!” sighed Will blissfully. “Just when you first hit gravity…it bounces all over the place.” Lucy felt her stomach rise to her throat as Will fought with the controls like a dodgem car driver, ducking and weaving as the Cybercab entered Fod’s atmosphere and gravitational pull.
Signs floated in the atmosphere: “Fod welcomes safe pilots.” “One-Sun-Day celebrations all this month!” “All foreign craft to report to customs – right hand lane.” “Arpathians no longer need visas to visit Fod.” “Fod – worth a visit!”
“Fod – worth a visit!?” echoed Lucy. “What kind of crap slogan is that?”
“Blame the King,” replied Will. “He’s gone soft since we signed that treaty with the Arpathians. It said Fod – Armed and Dangerous before that.”
“What treaty? And I never had any signs around the planet!” Lucy bristled.
“Two months ago we signed a peace treaty in order to get cheaper food from Arpathia. And we put the signs up after your last book, when it was pretty obvious you were concentrating on Jerk, I mean Jake, and we could do essentially what we wanted.”
Lucy chose to ignore him and studied Fod as the ship moved closer and broke through the clouds. She could see the main city, also called Fod, which was a bit confusing, stretch out below her, glistening in the sun. Fod was, as she had planned, made up of lots of shiny, silver, futuristic buildings covered in what appeared to be solar panels. In this ideal world she’d imagined lush parks, too, and wasn’t disappointed. It was all there. Far to the right she could see vronials grazing in paddocks; the atmosphere was unpolluted and so clear her vision seemed endlessly crisp. To her delight the Fodian Palace, the one archaic, fairy-tale castle in Fod, was precisely as she’d described it, with the Six Spires of Fod each flying the Fodian flag.
Will brought the ship down for a tender landing on the Palace lawns, and switched it off.
Hesitantly Lucy opened her door. Could she breathe here? That was one thing she’d never really taken into consideration – the atmosphere. To her relief it appeared to be much like Earth’s, only cleaner. She felt a little light headed and the ground seemed to bounce under her feet.
“We didn’t know what you wanted to do about gravity and atmosphere,” Will said. “We decided you wanted something reasonably like earth, since we’re humanoid. I wish you’d been a bit more thoughtful about the flowers, though. They’re rather hideous. We’re breeding new varieties.”
Lucy looked around the Palace Gardens. Huge sunflowers, giant, clumsy daisies, and roses in flourescent colours with lime green leaves assaulted her eyes. “Well, I WAS only thirteen,” she said defensively.
“Don’t worry, we’re sorting it.” Will took her hand and led her towards the Palace.
“I’m dressed in jeans,” wailed Lucy. “I’ve got no lipstick on! How can I meet the Kind of Fod like this?”
“Same way I’m meeting him like this,” Will said. He was wearing a black t-shirt with “I survived Fod Fights Back” printed on the back and had a tatty black jacket slung over one shoulder. He was wearing the Fodian version, Lucy supposed, of jeans, which were fairly loose fitting. They’d have to be, she decided, since he had three dicks to keep in them. “We ditched those ridiculous body suits, by the way. Too kitsch for words. Watched Lost In Space, didn’t we?”
“Shuddup.” Lucy frantically painted her mouth and dabbed powder on her nose and forehead.
Inside, the Palace was very traditional, just as palaces should be. High stone walls, heads of animals mounted strategically at intervals. Lucy recognised a few of her creations: plinoils, with the thin, curling horns, tywoks, whose massive tusks could rip a hole in a cybercab, and a rare regwij, the Fodian mountain lion, who was rare indeed because Fod didn’t have many mountains since the Arpathians had blown up most of them.
Will led her down bewildering corridors. As many of the villains in her book became lost in the maze of the Fodian Palace, so did Lucy. She’d never drawn a diagram of the place, simply described various floors and corridors, and, with great relish, the torture chambers where many an Arpathian had writhed in agony at the hands of Will Power.
They came to a sign: Throne Room. The King is: IN
“Where are the guards?” said Lucy. “The androids?”
“Canned the idea,” Will said. “Waste of manpower. Went for the old eyeball recognition instead.” Will gazed briefly into a screen and the doors clicked open.
Lucy expected to see King Bvonk the First sitting on the throne that had been cast for him out of Arpathian silver (Fod Fights Back). He’d be wearing the two items he rarely removed on the chest of his silver fabric suit: the seal of Fod and the Fodian Globe, a priceless gemstone mined from deep under the Fodian Ranges before they were blown up (Will Power To The Rescue). Impeccable and unflappable, King Bvonk was a true ruler.
A rumpled, grey-haired man in faded jeans and a “Fod Football Club” sweatshirt with a can of Fodsters Lager in one hand was slumped in a comfortable, battered armchair watching 3D virtual vision – apparently a match between Fod and Arpathia. He abruptly stopped picking his nose and jumped to his feet when Lucy and Will entered the room. The virtual vision vanished. “About time, too, Power.”
With a shock Lucy realised this was King Bvonk.
The King crumpled his beer can, tossed it accurately into a sterling silver bin and walked towards them. “Welcome to Fod, Goddess.”
“I’m not a goddess,” stammered Lucy, in awe of this tall figure whose sweatshirt had a foodstain right down the middle. “I’m just a human being.”
“Quite an extraordinary one, though,” said the King. “Look, I’ll come to the point. You created us, which is all very nice. Thanks. We really do owe you one, but we’ve got a few gripes.”
“G-gripes?” Did these Fodians do nothing but criticise her, when she’d been good enough to somehow give them life? Lucy glared.
“The new book you’re planning, for one. King to Goddess, I’ll say this straight. It sucks. We are not going to war again with the bloody Arpathians. And the rest of the plot stinks, too.”
“Hear, hear,” said Will. “I refuse, abso-bloody-lutely refuse, to be revealed as a long-lost son of the King. I don’t want to be a bloody prince. Just imagine, having to sit here in the Palace all day long trying to be nice to the Arpathians. And wearing silly silver suits.”
“I don’t want you as my long-lost son,” glared the King. “Look at you, you’re a bloody slob. That cab of yours is a disgrace. You’ve got no respect for authority and you listed your ultimate ambition in your last secret service survey to become lead singer in a rock band. Prince over my dead body!”
“Er…er,” said Lucy. “Well, just what DO you want?” Things were getting out of control here!
“I – that is, we, all Fodians, and probably most Arpathians too – would like you to write one final story setting things straight, and then set us free. No more books. Self-rule. In charge of our own destiny,” said the King sternly.
“Set us loose, Luce,” grinned Will.
“Shut up, Power. This is a list of what we would like you to address and how we believe they can be addressed. This will set us up for the future and we can flourish as a galaxy quite nicely then.”
He handed Lucy a crisp piece of paper with the Fodian crest on top. She began to read:
Change two suns to one sun (we have achieved this at great expense but it will only be permanent if you set it in writing)
Create four distinct seasons as per earth (as above, we are working on it. Please save us some Fodian pesos)
Write that peace has been achieved between Fod and Arpathia
Write that we are developing roads as our flight freeways have become overcrowded
Give us thirty hours in a day rather than twenty four, as when we get four seasons we’ll have to allow for the new rotation pattern of the sun…
Three pages later the list finished with:
State that King Bvonk the First has a happy sex life with seventeen concubines
“Whew!” said Lucy.
“Can do?” said the King.
“I-I suppose,” said Lucy. “But then… that’s it? I can’t write about Fod any more?”
“Nope. Nada. No. Find something else to write about, but for Pete’s sake don’t set it in this galaxy!” The King grinned. “Stay here for the night and sleep on it. Will can take you back to Earth in the morning.”
Stunned, Lucy realised she was dismissed. Will said, “Don’t worry, if you thought the chocolate was good, wait till you taste a vronial steak!”
* * *
The vronial steak was the most tender meat Lucy had ever eaten. Sighing and replete, she lounged back on Will’s sofa.
Will didn’t live in the high rise apartment she’d written him into, with all the whizz bang gadgets a space hero could desire and three android servants. Instead, he was renting a shabby, rather comfortable house on the outskirts of Fod. The only smart gadgetry was a virtual vision and a food rehydrator.
Lucy had drunk far too much wine – when had they started making THAT on Fod? – and was feeling very relaxed indeed. The Fodian atmosphere meant it went to her head faster than on Earth. Will was stretched out next to her. She felt like they’d known each other for years; in a way, of course, they had. Lucy, remembering that incredible kiss, touched Will’s cheek.
“So, Will Power, just how difficult is it to have a bonk when you’ve got three dicks?”
Will grinned. An enormous triple bulge swelled up in his jeans. “Sure you’re game?”
“I’ve been taken in a bloody spaceship by someone who doesn’t logically exist to an imaginary planet. I’ll try anything once. Er, thrice.”
Will clicked off the virtual vision and was down to no clothes in three seconds flat. Lucy, gobsmacked, couldn’t believe her eyes. “Good grief, I had no idea my imagination as a child was that vivid!”
“I think you refined me after your first boyfriend,” Will said.
Lucy had never had sex like it before. She discovered a problem with her creation though – whichever dicks Will wasn’t using at the time got in the way.
“That’s one more thing you can fix,” Will grunted, writhing on top of her. “I really don’t need three. You can see for yourself, one’s more than enough. It’s a real bastard being the subject of penis envy in triplicate.”
“Mmmmmmmmm,” Lucy agreed lazily. “We’ll add it to the list in the morning.”
Lucy had the best sexual experience she’d ever had in her life. Because Will had been hooked into her telepathically, he knew what would please her. And she’d secretly fantasised about bonking her leading hero and gave as good as she got. Shagged out, they watched the (single) sun rise from the comfort of Will’s big bed.
“Gotta get you back to Earth,” Will said sadly. “That was the most fucking wonderful night of my life. Or the most wonderful night fucking. I’ve been longing to get you into bed since day one.”
“Likewise,” Lucy said gently.
Will met her eyes. “Why don’t you add this to the list: Will Power leaves Fod and makes a life on Earth.”
Lucy said: “I don’t know if it would work. I can, somehow, affect what happens on Fod, but I don’t think I can play Goddess on Earth.”
“Try,” Will suggested. “Worst case is I’ll be stuck on Fod driving a Cybercab for the rest of my life. At least you tried. Come on, you can have some eggs from Fodian hens for breakfast. If you thought the steak was good, wait till you try the eggs!”
* * *
The journey back was underway before Lucy knew it. She could only eat one of the giant, golden-yoked eggs before it was time to leave. She didn’t get the chance to tour Fod, the city that had sprung from her own mind.
“Better you don’t,” said Will. “Forget Fod. Fix the list up when we get back to Earth and Fod will grow and develop as it likes and it should.”
“I suppose,” said Lucy a little sadly, strapping herself in. This was really saying goodbye to a place that had been part of her life for years. Will gunned the Cybercab. With a ginormous backfire from its rockets, it shot up into the traffic, missing two floating buses by a whisker and earning shaking fists all round.
“Ah, bloody Sunday drivers, who needs ‘em!” Will whisked in and out of traffic and then took the sign saying : “Exit – Arpathia, Milky Way, Earth and other planets”.
There was another sign a couple of seconds later as the ship began to hurtle towards warp speed: “Thank you for visiting Fod – have a nice day!”
Lucy and Will slept for most of the journey, Lucy lying over the seats with her head against Will’s chest. If anybody had told her she’d fall happily asleep on a spaceship she’d never have believed them. But then…who’d believe it if she told them she’d had sex with a triple-dicked humanoid?
The Cybercab’s autopilot appeared to be working reliably and its sensors kept them flitting around dangerous objects. An alarm woke them half an hour before Earth.
“Jesus H. Christ….was that Jupiter?” Lucy marvelled.
“Yeah, pretty boring, I had a look on the way here yesterday. No real sustainable atmosphere there, bugger all life forms.” Will chewed yet another chocolate bar, and calmly tossed the wrapper on the floor behind him, where it joined at least three dozen others. “Lucky you, it’s night time on your part of the world. Less chance people will notice us. Hold on, we’re going in.”
There was the same jolting and bumping as Will decelerated and adjusted the ship to handle Earth’s gravity. Switching the lights off, Will ducked between jumbo jets and used the “homing” button on setting two to let the craft guide itself to Lucy’s house.
“Smart move of yours, living in the country,” commented Will, as he brought the ship in for a gentle touchdown. There wasn’t another human being in sight, and the nearest house was a few acres away.
“Less disturbance,” replied Lucy, unbuckling her harness. “I can concentrate on writing.”
Disbelievingly, she clambered stiffly out of the cybercab. She still wasn’t fully convinced this hadn’t all been a dream. Her house was as she left it, down to the “I’ve been abducted” note. She’d been away only twenty four hours but it seemed like a week.
The coffee machine had been left on and sluggy black smelly paste was sticking to the bottom of the carafe. Lucy cleaned it and set up a fresh pot. She felt she was in for a long night.
“Time for work, I suppose,” she said, plugging in her PC. She looked at King Bvonk’s long list and sighed heavily. She brought up a new document and called it: Freedom for Fod, the conclusion to the Fod series.
It took two hours for her to type in Bvonk’s requests. She had to think carefully about how some of them would fit in the framework of the society she’d created on Fod. And could Bvonk cope with seventeen concubines? She’d better write that he had a strong heart while she was at it. “That’s most of Fod sorted,” she said with satisfaction.
Will read it over her shoulder, nodding in approval. “Now me.”
Lucy hesitated. She typed: Will Power decided to live the rest of his life on planet Earth, as a human. He now has only one penis. She said: “Which one do you want to keep?”
“Middle one. It appears to be in the right spot.”
“Oh, I’d definitely agree with that,” grinned Lucy wickedly. She kept typing: “His middle one” and clicked on SAVE.
“Shit!” exclaimed Will. “Ouch! That felt funny! Just wait while I check….well, whaddaya know? Only one!”
Lucy squealed. “It’s working! It’s really working! What else?”
“Send my spaceship back to Fod. I don’t need it here. I’ll have to learn to drive a car.”
“Oh, yeah.” She tapped: Will’s Cybercab was immediately transported back to Fod to its home in the Cybercab depot.
She clicked on SAVE again and Will watched his ship vanish from the front garden.
Lucy hesitated. It was a corny line, but she was longing to do it. She typed: Will and Lucy stayed together on planet Earth and lived happily ever after. The end.
And clicked on SAVE.
© Copyright 1998, Caroline Sully
Reproduction without the author’s permission is strictly prohibited.